Freelance Nomad

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Misspent Youth

The other day, for a few, terrible minutes, I found myself possessing a copy of the Da Vinci Code. I wanted that about as much as a dose of the clap.

The result of a bungled book-swap deal, I had to get rid of the damn thing as soon as possible. Two or three years ago, someone lent me a copy, and I squandered a couple of precious, precious hours enduring Dan Brown’s obnoxious drivel when I should have been enjoying my otherwise excellent Spanish holiday.

Unlike critics who find fault with its crackpot history, ludicrous plot or even the ‘controversial’ religious content, I have no problems on that score. It’s just the way Dan Brown mangles the English language to such an extent I could feel my IQ dropping as I moved from one page to the next. Yes, you guessed it. I didn’t enjoy it much. Howard, my old Amarpurkashi parner-in-crime, writes a far more lucid critique here. Read it. He’s right on all counts.

Those wasted hours I will never have again. They’re gone for ever! Dan Brown, I want my life back! On my deathbed, I’ll be cursing my misspent youth. Along with those bloody Matrix sequels, countless pointless trips to Selhurst Park and my one visit to Ipswich, the time I spent with the Da Vinci Code will go down in my personal history as yet one more monumental waste of time. And don’t even get me started on Dude, Where’s My Car.

That is all.

7 Comments:

  • At 4:52 pm, Anonymous Matt said…

    Now the word verifier's been removed I can express my sheer disgust at you re-reading the da vinci code. Dude - you knew what it was like, but still went back! It's like a literary version of inferno's! Dan Brown must be brought to court for crimes against literature. And it was worse than dude where's my car - at least that had the memorable line 'dude it's a llama'. whereas there are no (and I mean no) redeeming features in the da vinci code.

     
  • At 5:50 pm, Blogger Paul Heron said…

    Rest assured, I did NOT re-read the Da Vinci Code. Fortunately, I was able to exchange it within about fifteen (admittedly nervewracking) minutes for Ordinary Decent Criminals by Lionel Shriver. Which was quite good.

     
  • At 1:13 am, Anonymous dc said…

    'Dude where's my car' is a great movie - of course if you spend £12 to go see it at the Trocedero you've only got yourself to blame!.

     
  • At 9:06 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I would add Pablo that Matt is now a regular user of Infernos and Pablo Lionel Shriver - we need to talk about Kevin - super but the new one Double Fault isn't quiet as good

     
  • At 4:40 am, Blogger chris said…

    probably best you avoid the film then, it's shit

     
  • At 4:40 am, Blogger chris said…

    Probably best you avoid the film then, it's shit

     
  • At 10:38 pm, Anonymous Howard said…

    Paul! This is where you went!

    Just found your blog. Rest assured, you're blogrolled, old boy.

     

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